Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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