his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
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I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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