On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
