I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
