It's Friday. Sex?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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