Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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