just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
