is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The beer is more important than you right now.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
