think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
