Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
