just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
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Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
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It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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