Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
