So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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