Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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