I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
