She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
