It's like God shit irony all over that family
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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