Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
