When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
