Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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