I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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