man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
