we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
