Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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