so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think im going to throw up on grandma
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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