No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
