dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
