You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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