Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
