there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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