ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
