so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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