i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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