low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
