i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize