Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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