um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
