I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
