Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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