3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
