this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
