he wants to bone in the snuggie
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
