Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
