worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
