Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
