false alarm. still invincible.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i dont even know how to be here
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
