The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
