i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
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I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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