I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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