this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
