i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
