she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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