omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we're making bets on your personal life
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
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