perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
