If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
