We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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