I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
