we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
