The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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