Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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