I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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