Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
