you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
