nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize