there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
