It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
